So, a little bit over a year ago, I discussed how I was having a hard time making friends and that the only mom friend I had did not even live in the same state as me!
Oh, how so much has changed since then! Thank God! But before I continue, it’s important you understand why we even need mom friends/girlfriends.
Rachael Boley couldn’t have said it any better!
There’s nothing quite like another mom friend who just gets it. It’s bigger than needing each other for tips and tricks and help. We need each other for the friendship and support that comes from our people — the moms walking in the trenches beside us.
We need those friends that just get it. When you want to vent, laugh, or cry because your kids can’t seem to get it together. Or simply when you feel like you’re falling apart, those friends can be there to remind you that, yes, it’s hard but you are not alone and you can make it through those potty training days or those sleepless nights.
Making mom friends is truly like dating. Ha. I read that somewhere and can’t agree more on this. You just don’t click with another mom simply because she also has kids. It takes more than that: personality, interests etc.
I have learned not to judge another mom because of her parenting style/choices. We are all different but can definitely learn so much from one another.
I never knew that becoming a mother would somehow be so competitive. I thought the cliques and comparisons stopped in high school, but you would be surprised at some of the stuff I witnessed at mommy groups!
Last year we moved to a different neighborhood. Since then, I have met some truly awesome mamas: some neighbors, some from mom groups, and others through mutual friends.
As a work-at-home-mom, my challenge was that I didn’t fit into just one category. I’m a stay-at-home mom and working mom at the same time. Yes, I could meet up for playdates but not as often as other SAHMs could. There are some SAHMs I met who I just could not relate to and others who we clicked instantly.
Anyway, I made the best of the situation and can say today that I have MOM FRIENDS! Woot woot.
I actually have friends that I can meet up with or without the kiddos for a walk, coffee or storytime at the library. God heard my prayer! Hah. And now my husband is happy I no longer complain about this, I’m sure.
If you are struggling to make mom friends, don’t give up. Here are a few things that worked for me during this long, lonely journey!
1. Mommy groups. For me, personally, it worked but then it also did not work. The first few groups I joined were not as successful. There was one particular group where it seemed as if the moms there were simply not interested in meeting anyone new. What’s the point of this group then!? It was very “clicky”. I also felt judged because I was probably the only mom there who put her kids in daycare part-time. Mind me, I was still working full-time (from home) so this just didn’t make sense to them. What they don’t realize is that you can’t really work from home full-time if you have toddlers around. Anyway… that group was not for me.
When I did find the right group, I became good friends with one gal who told me about a fit mama’s group (walking group). There, I met a few more mamas who I became really cool with.
2. Storytime: I have met a few moms there but none that I can actually call “friends”. However, it is a great place to meet other moms.
3. Church: I have become friends with a few mamas from my church. Although it did take some time and we do not see each other as much outside of church, the support has been a tremendous blessing.
4. Mutual Friends: Now, this is what really worked for me actually! For example, one of my husband’s college pals moved closer to us and the wife and I became good friends. Then I introduced her to my neighbor, and the three of us have created this Mom Tribe I prayed for. What is even more of a blessing is that before we all met each other, we had each been praying for mom friends.
Another good friend of mine, I met through a mutual acquaintance. She and I are both writers and so we are just grateful to be in each other’s lives. Having that support from a fellow mother and writer is truly a blessing.
5. Neighbors: depending on where you live, but for me I created a Facebook Mom’s Group for my neighborhood/community. Through this group, some of my neighbors have become my friends. The reason I created the group is because we didn’t have one. Some communities may already have a Mom’s group. Just look into it.
Just don’t give up! Be open and non-judgmental . Know that you are not the only one going through this.
Motherhood can be lonely and having those mom friends to do this #MomLife with is crucial for your sanity.