All right, ladies. This post is for you, especially the single ones. A couple of weeks ago, my brother-in-law posted this on his WhatsApp story:
If a man must have a car, a job, and a house, what should a woman have?
It was interesting to see the responses he was getting. He took a few screenshots of answers and shared on his stories. I was surprised that by far, no one else had said my response! Most people responded about how women should keep the house together or be a woman of prayer and etc.
I must have been the only one who thought: The woman should have a car, a job, and a house too! Why can’t women also have the same things people believe men should have in order to get married?
We put so much pressure into men having their “stuff together”, when women can and should aim to also be just as successful. In this day and age, there are so many ways to have something going for your self–and it does not necessarily mean having an office 9-5 type of job. We have options our mothers, grandmothers, great grand-mothers did not have. The possibilities are endless!
Why wait for a man to make it happen for you? Why can’t you make it happen?
I don’t necessarily consider myself a hardcore feminist or anything, but I do believe that women (especially Africans) tend to have one goal in life: Marriage.
As if when you get married, everything will fall into place magically. Truth is, we have too many women praying for a husband and doing nothing else.
Marriage is a blessing. Marriage is beautiful. Marriage is divine. Marriage is sacred. Marriage is also difficult. Marriage is also challenging.
Having an identity outside of marriage is important.
A man should not define YOU as a woman or a person.
Sometimes I have the impression that single women think marriage is all just sunshine, kisses, and roses. If you don’t have an identity coming into a marriage, what will you have when you become a mother whose daily routine consists of changing diapers and cleaning sticky floors?
Personally, before getting married, my goal and dream had always been to become writer or make a living as a writer, for example. That was my main goal. I wanted to pursue that career, whether I would be married or not. When I got married, I continued to pursue this career. When I had children, it became more challenging and at one point, I started to feel as if I was losing sense of who I was, as a person–not just a wife or mother. That mainly happened when I stopped writing. God then revealed that it was indeed His purpose for my life, to write, but not in the way I always thought or did it in the past.
Now, can you imagine women who get married and never took the time to learn what their passions are, what career they really want to pursue, or what their purpose is? Do you see how easy it could be for them to start resenting their life or even their husband? Simply because of an unclear identity…
While you continue to pray for a husband, also pray and ask God to reveal your purpose in life. There is more to life than marriage. God has given us all a purpose. Knowing your purpose and being blessed with a husband who supports it should be #goals–not those perfect couples you see on Instagram who you barely know.
I feel like I am getting off topic (sorta), but my point is, ladies, get your own car, your dream career, hey, buy a house if you want to. Travel and explore the world while you still can. Who says you have to wait for a husband to enjoy life?
Also, stop being so picky about “your list” when you don’t even have it all together.
Start with the person in the mirror.
This is the time to work on you.